I have to move on. That’s why I’m removing the nail polish, I’m washing all the clothes again, I’m putting all the things that remind me of him away, I’m not listening to that song. Nevertheless, there’s still too much around me. I need time, maybe a lot of time, but I’m not going to look for you anymore. I will go on with my life as usual, keeping this feeling of nostalgia all for me. I’ll keep our best memories and I hope they won’t bring me sorrow one day.
se fossi stato figlio unico sarei stato la persona più triste del mondo perché mia sorella è partita per l’inghilterra da quasi tre settimane e mi manca così tanto che non ce la faccio più
I’m back and you will never miss me again!
Tomorrow should be my first day of university, so I should wake up from my bed, wash myself and dress up, make a lot of kilometres and finally reach the hospital.
Well, tomorrow should still be my first day of university but I’m going to wake up in a bed that isn’t mine, wash myself and dress up in a bathroom and in a room that I share with Claudia (my collegue) and other girls, I’m going to walk a little bit to reach the canteen and have breakfast and then I’m going to attend my English lessons. That’s kind of weird being here while my life (the life that I’ve always dreamed of) is starting in another country. I’ll just enjoy these last days here in Ovingdean Hall, trying not to have sad thoughts and nightmares. Everything has its time.
I’m here in Brighton from eight days. I don’t have words to explain my feelings now. Everywhere I turn my head there’s beauty and since when my teacher gave me the topic “what is beauty?” I cannot stop thinking at all the beauty I see here. I cannot stop thinking at my reaction and my feelings in front of Van Gogh’s bedroom in Arles. Beauty. That’s all.
I’m also thinking a lot about my relationship. I cannot think about love because it makes me feel miserable. I have like the feeling that there’s so much to see, to love, to try but actually I can’t move. I cannot stop listening to “lost stars” and “my heart is open” and think about something and someone which is very far to reach. Maybe that person doesn’t even realise who I am. It’s already too much if I’m just a name for him.
Two luggages (one weights 17 kilos, quite more than me) read and everything is going good with the university. Everything has to keep going this way because I’m feeling better. After this long trip to Brighton the dream I’ve been waiting for is going to start and it’s a long road to see the end. Sometimes I think I’ve grown up so fast, too fast, expecially when I look at my 2-years-old and new born cousins. They’ve got all their lives before their eyes, everything to be decided.
I do need to make my eyebrows, better think positive or I’ll make big mistakes again. ha. ha. ha.
Giorno 1 Settembre. Segreteria studenti, sede Policlinico.
Ancora devo cominciare e già vedo davanti a me sei (si spera) anni di stress.
August is coming to an end. In four days I’m leaving. I still love him to death.